


keep him alive

by sherrisscribbles (annella)



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Crack, M/M, This is ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 14:57:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5971152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annella/pseuds/sherrisscribbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gary isn't sure if it's a sign of a really good night out or a bad night out when he wakes up in the middle of a giant, exploded temple. Then everyone starts calling him The Herald, and really, Gary's just an accountant. How is he meant to save the world?</p><p>(from a prompt on tumblr: "I've always wanted to see a story where a character lives in our world fall into a portal and end up in Thedas. It would be cool to see that character become The Inquisitor, and see them adjust to the new world and go through the struggle of deciding to go back to this world or stay in Thedas." I took it and made it kind of silly.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	keep him alive

**Author's Note:**

> oh my god guys i don't even know anymore, this just kind of all fell out of me so yeah.

This wasn’t his bed. It was decidedly solid and cold, and Gary was being stabbed in the ass, the thigh, and the small of his back by large rocks. He came fully awake when he realised that this wasn’t anywhere he recognised; in fact, it looked like he was the epicentre of a giant explosion.

He didn’t have time to react properly before people with swords ( _swords? What the actual fuck?_ ) were arresting him.

~

“Who _is_ he?” Cassandra looked at their prisoner; a skinny, pale young man wearing the strangest outfit she’d ever seen. He seemed to have some kind of wide ribbon tied around his neck, and it hung down almost to his belt. He looked absolutely terrified.

“I have no idea,” Leliana murmured. “There’s no record of anyone called Gary attending the Conclave.”

Cassandra growled and turned back to the prisoner. “Explain _this_!” she snarled. holding his hand up. It glowed green, and Gary shrieked.

“What the fuck is that?” he yelled.

~

“So you’ve never held a sword?” Cullen eyed the Herald dubiously. He’d been dressed in fighting leathers, and he looked incredibly uncomfortable.

“Nope.”

“Daggers?”

“Nope.”

“Bow and arrow?” Cullen was getting desperate. The Herald _had_ to be able to fight; Ferelden was far too dangerous a place right now to send him out into the wilderness to close rifts. He’d last an hour, maybe two, if he was lucky.

~

“How did the training go?” Cassandra asked.

Cullen glared at her over his mug of ale. “He dropped the sword on his foot. Cut himself with the daggers. Caught a bowstring in the face. Then he told me he had to take a break because he had something called asthma?” Cullen took a long drink. “Please, Seeker, I know it’s going to be hard, but please try to keep him alive. He’s the only one who can close rifts.”

~

“I think I’m getting the hang of this!” Gary yelled. He poked his head out from behind the rock and shot an arrow at the demon coming towards him. He missed, and the demon shrieked, advancing more quickly. “Shit!” Gary yelped, running away and forgetting his arrows. “Leave me alone! Help!”

Varric sighed, watching their illustrious Herald being chased over the battlefield by a minor spirit. Amusing as it was to watch, he eventually aimed Bianca and killed the thing in one hit.

“Thanks,” Gary panted, hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. “Almost -- had me --” He gasped for breath, then pulled out the funny little device he used whenever he couldn’t breathe.

This was the biggest clusterfuck Varric had ever been involved in, and he’d lived through Kirkwall.

~

“A dragon? Are you fucking serious?” Gary yelled from the wreckage of the trebuchet.

“A dragon!” the Iron Bull boomed. He actually sounded excited. Gary grabbed his inhaler for a quick puff before following the others back towards the gates of Haven. At least he was getting better with the bow and arrow; he only missed about half the time now, and the others were pretty good at keeping him alive. But a dragon? Gary shook his head, hoping for the hundredth time that he’d wake up from this crazy dream soon.

~

The trek through the snow to find the others wasn’t the most enjoyable part of the day, Gary conceded. But he was Canadian; he was made of strong stuff. This? He’d trekked through worse to go to the store to get a bottle of milk. This was _nothing_. This was --

He collapsed face down in the snow. Okay, perhaps this was a little more snow than he was used to. He was glad he’d been doing all this running around, though; three months ago he was soft and kind of squishy in the middle from his sedentary life adding up figures. Now he had actual muscles.

If only he could use them to get out of the snow. He was pathetically grateful when he heard Cassandra yell, “Over here!”

It took him a while to realise that Cassandra was _carrying_ him. Well, he’d been in worse situations.

‘Worse’ became manifest a few hours later when everyone started singing at him.

~

“Inquisitor? Are you fucking serious?” Gary snapped.

“You have been leading us--”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, you’re all dreaming.” Gary ran a hand through his hair; he did _not_ want this. But he had no choice, it seemed; when Leliana handed him the sword, he almost broke his wrist trying to hold it up. Everyone cheered, and Gary sighed.

~

“Inquisitor, if I may have a moment?” Solas stopped Gary as he passed through the rotunda on his way back from meeting with Dorian. Well, it wasn’t really a meeting so much as a quick make out session behind the bookshelves. Gary was still glowing a little, and he almost didn’t notice Solas.

“Uh yeah, sure. What’s up?” He flung himself down on the small couch, trying to think about something other than the way Dorian’s mustache tickled him.

“I may have found a way to get you back to your world,” Solas informed him.

Gary sat bolt upright. “Wait, you believed me? I thought you all thought I had just taken a really bad knock to the head!”

Solas smiled slightly. “I believed you. And since I began studying rift magic, I think I have come up with a way to create a tear in the Veil and send you home.”

“Oh my god,” Gary whimpered. “Just when I’ve been getting used to things here.”

“You don’t want to go home anymore?”

Gary rubbed a hand over his face. Of course he did; home had hot showers and electricity and a good solid job.

On the other hand, _here_ had Dorian, a castle of his own, and an actual meaning to his life instead of just being a Junior Accountant in a firm with over a hundred Junior Accountants.

“You know what? Tell me all about it after we’ve saved the world.” He sighed, leaning back on the couch. “I’ve grown rather used to it here, and I’d hate to let Corypheus win because I want a hot shower and a good cup of coffee.”

~

Corypheus was dead. The orb was broken. The world was saved. Gary wiped the blood off his face and looked around at his companions. Dorian was smiling more widely than he’d ever seen, and Gary threw caution to the winds and bounded down the steps to sweep him up in his arms. “You’re alive,” Dorian murmured. “And I’m alive!”

When Gary looked back, Solas had gone. He felt only a small pang of regret; it looked like he’d be staying here after all.

**Author's Note:**

> [fandom tumblr - dragon age, nsfw](http://sherrisscribbles.tumblr.com/)   
>  [non fandom tumblr - sfw](http://sherribon.tumblr.com/)


End file.
